THOUGH the focus these days is on developing “hard” or technical skills, we should not neglect developing life skills such as stress and anger management. “Otherwise we can at the proverbial drop of hat, become so angry that we say and do things that can ruin many years of hard work,” comments Natalie Rabson of Boston City Campus and Business College.
“Then, of course, no matter how well qualified or talented you are – nor how many times you apologise – you cannot go back and undo the damage inflicted during a moment of rage.”
Getting angry is something that can happen to anyone at any time, she points out. If you were stuck in the traffic jam yesterday morning on the M1 (the highway was eventually closed) during the unseasonal morning storm, you would have noticed just how easy it is for even meekest people to get angry upset and very angry.
According to Rabson, different things make different people angry but the following anger management techniques can be applied universally:
Learn to recognize your feelings of anger before they can take control of you. This entails finding out what tends to infuriate or irritate you.
Counting to ten remains good advice as it gives your anger a chance to subside to a point where you can think more clearly and rationally. An alternative is to repeat the word “relax” while simultaneously breathing deeply.
Remind yourself that anger is not going to fix anything or make anyone feel better. Giving vent to anger usually results in making anger last longer and it can manifest itself physically. Anger causes biological changes – your blood flows to your hands making you really aggressive action (Like slapping someone)
Slow down your breathing and your speaking so you can inform the other person/s of your rising anger as well as the reason for the anger. Encourage the other person/s to rather move to a tone of negotiating and problem solving. Avoid accusations and counter accusations at all costs.
Use humour to dissolve a volatile situation. Harsh sarcastic humour will only cause more anger; rather try to imagine what the situation and the players would look like if they were to be depicted as a cartoon. The picture you conjure in your mind should at least make bring a smile to your face.
Watch out for language. Not only is abusive language unacceptable but you can use “I would like an apology” rather than “I demand an apology”. Also remember that hurtful words cannot be taken back and can do irreparable damage.
Never launch personal attacks on superiors or colleagues; criticizing their personality or appearance is not conducive to resolving a problem.
Change the environment if necessary. Try to go to a neutral, non-threatening space. If traffic jams unnerve you, for instance, change your drive time.
Repeat to yourself the words of Greek philosopher Aristotle: Anyone can become angry – that is easy.”
Read material on anger management, such as the best-selling book Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman and make a point of implementing the principles and techniques into your everyday life.
Reduce stress.
“Advice on how to manage anger abounds and not all of it will suit your personality,”Rabson adds.
“Adopt techniques that work for you; if necessary be prepared to go for counselling before you do something that you’ll end up regretting.” If you think you’re – your emotions don’t usually get the best of you – ask someone to trust you to confirm this perception you have of yourself. Your perception may be warped – it could be that no one ever makes you angry because they are all cowering in the corner too scared to even approach you.” She cautions.
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